“Guess
who’s back, back again.
Masullo’s back, tell a friend.”
Without
Me
November 2003
Does anyone else think this newsletter has been a little
empty without me? Do you agree that someone should lighten and liven things up a
little?
“Now
this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me.
Cuz we need a little controversy, cuz it feels so empty without me.
I just settled all my lawsuits; _#$%
you attorney.
Well I’m back and this newsletter’s about to get heavy.
So if Bernie will let me be me and let me be
I’ll rap this rap so you can see
It’d be so empty without me.”
Remember that
story I told you a couple of years ago? It was when everyone was calling my
name during the NYC Marathon. Well, it happened again this year. Everyone in the
crowd kept asking, “Where’s Petie?” I kept saying, “Here I am!” I
still can’t understand why I got so many strange looks. And I also don’t get
the reason why my kids are now calling me “Pete Daddy.”
One of my beloved angels broke through a barricade, evaded the NYPD,
and ran a few steps with me in
My daughter said I looked good. But I felt terrible. I guess my heart
just wasn’t in it. I finished in
Fortunately, all was not lost as I had the opportunity to use my legal
skills, and I was able to pick up a couple of clients before the race. First,
there was a ruckus at the staging area. About a hundred guys, and a couple of
girls, jumped a fence and began relieving themselves behind the bushes. Of
course, I would never commit such a grievous crime. Anyway, a cop on a bike
comes by and orders everybody out of the area. One guy from
Next client was an inspirational guy named Lee. He wore a shirt that said
“26 years in a row.” I told him that I was catching up and that I was
shooting for four hours. He told me that he never finished slower than four
hours and his usual time was closer to three. However, because of knee surgery,
he hobbled with a cane as he told me he expected to finish this year’s race in
7 or 8 hours, if he was lucky. Sounds like this guy needed a psychotherapist
more than a lawyer. A reasonable person would have ended his streak at 25. What
would you have done if you had a 25 year streak going? Then I guess we all need
psychological help. In any event, I seized this opportunity to practice my newly
acquired matrimonial skills. I advised my client that running a marathon with a
cane could be considered grounds for divorce in the State of
And congratulations are due to my rival, Sean Combs. He beat me fair and
square. He also raised more money than me. But he only beat me by a measly $2
million. In truth, this is a paltry sum for someone of Mr. Combs’ means. He
spends that much on champagne at a good party. The only thing I hate more than a
divorce lawyer is a hypocrite. All this publicity for his charitable intent, but
no one talks about the profits from the marathon video he produced.
Unbelievably, they play his videos over and over,
But
they shut me down on MTV. I guess I must be too obscene.
Or maybe I’m just disgusting. But I’ll tell you what really disgusts
me,
Is a shrewd, greedy businessman like Puff Daddy.
Be warned P Diddy! There are 20 million other Italian
American rappers out there besides me. Some of us like Moby, but none of us like
phony. Next year I’m gonna kick your butt.
